Arctic Cloudberry: cauliflower

cauliflower

Tadka Dal - yellow lentils and tomatoes with Indian spices

22:27

cauliflower

Copper Chimney inspired Chaat Masala style baked cauliflower

21:52

cauliflower

Low carb and low calorie cauliflower hummus

22:07

For my Friday night's entertainment I decided to try making hummus substituting chickpeas with cauliflower. I know, it's all crazy party central here. Who needs a night club or a wine bar, when there is a blender and a food experiment.

I have nothing against chickpeas, but a hummus-loving friend recently mentioned that chickpeas are off-limits to her for the time being. The reasons are far too scientific for me to get into here, but I thought if this works I can start a cauliflower hummus delivery service so she doesn't need to go without.

Also it is low carb and low calorie and thus supporting my beach body diet which is going really well (insert sarcastic emoji / middle finger). The biggest impact so far has been made by the spray-on self-tan. It is a truth universally acknowledged, that brown fat is more attractive than white. I need to run more but I really don't want to. It's so painful.

I had planned to go running today, but hangover prevented it completely. I can barely stand, so running is really not an option. I actually bumped into a wall just going to the kitchen for a glass of water and bruised my arm. It is a long narrow corridor, so not that easy to navigate. We went out for dinner at a friend's house last night and then for drinks in our favourite bar in Soho. Husband is fetal napping on the sofa and bitterly regretting the tequila shots that less than 24 hours ago seemed like such a great idea. Retrospectively a clear mistake.

As I'm sure it often is, such is the role of tequila in life. Can't imagine a lot of people saying: "Oh I'm so glad I had that tequila last night. Best decision ever!"

It's like the "I really regret that run, said no one ever" - thing apart from the fact that this one is not true. I for one really regret the run when I fell and fractured a rib. Really wish I'd skipped that one.

Regarding the cauliflower hummus, I am not going to do the same thing as many recipe substitution bloggers do and claim you can't tell the substitution from the original. You almost always can. See vegan parmesan. In the case of cauliflower hummus, if you have a nose, you definitely can. The taste is good, hummus-like (or like cauliflower with tahini), and texture is just a little bit grainier and lighter than the original, but perfectly acceptable. The one thing that makes hiding the oh so healthy cruciferous vegetables in anything impossible gives this one away too: the tell tale poo-smell that no amount of smoked paprika or tahini can hide. But if you don't mind a bit of poo-smell at the dining table, and a lot of people don't, farmers and other country folk for instance are often quite relaxed about the odd whiff, go for it. It really is quite nice and very healthy.

Cauliflower hummus

1/2 large cauliflower head
olive or vegetable oil
pinch of smoked paprika
2 cloves garlic
salt
1 tsp cumin
pinch of red pepper flakes
juice of a lemon
3 tbsp tahini
1/3 - 1/2 cup water

Preheat oven to 220 C°. Remove the stalk and outer leaves and cut the cauliflower into about 1 inch florets. Put the florets in a large bowl. Peel and crush the garlic cloves and add to the bowl together with a good splash of oil, smoked paprika, cumin, red pepper flakes and a pinch of salt. Mix well.

Spread florets on a baking sheet. Place in the oven for about 20 minutes stirring the veg a couple of times during cooking. Leave to cool.

Place the cauliflower and garlic in a blender. Add tahini, lemon juice and half of the water. Blend and add more water until it is the thickness you want. Check the taste and add salt and lemon juice if necessary. Keep blending until smooth. spoon onto a plate. Decorate with cauliflower florets, herbs and a pinch of smoked paprika and, if you're not worried about the calories, a little olive oil.

cauliflower

Cauliflower and chèvre purée - so delicious and elegant you would never guess how easy it is

22:21

This goat cheese and cauliflower mash is either an elegant silky accompaniment to some delicately cooked lamb or a robust and comforting bed on which to serve the weeknight protein of choice.

I got the idea originally from my sister. Her husband's sister had served them lamb with a cauliflower and chèvre purée which apparently had been restaurant quality and with the amount of l'accents should bloody well be.

Our surroundings at the moment are not restaurant quality, everywhere is covered with boxes of tiles and a layer of dust regardless of my obsessive but futile daily mopping and dusting. We have the world's most useless builder doing our bathroom and it's taking forever. But at least because we have to go shower at the gym we will get some accidental extra exercise and in the end we may be slightly less perfectly fresh but our buns will be steel and abdomens can be used as dinner gongs in Downton Abbey – the Movie.

It is a bit of a palaver though because every time you go to gym you forget something critical, like clean clothes and after the workout and shower you have to go home commando in sweaty running pants. Or you forget your towel and have to skulk around the dressing room starkers and wipe yourself dry with the side of your palm.

Husband is not as enterprising or persevering so tonight when he forgot his towel he just turned back defeated halfway and asked if there was a chance of a nice dinner instead.

And of course there was because I was dying to do this cauliflower concoction.

I had a couple of haddock fillets, nothing exciting but pretty lovely when seasoned to perfection and fried in a bit of oil and butter. But the real excitement of the evening was the cauliflower and goat cheese mash. I made it a bit more robust, even left it rustically (rustic is kind of like lazy but stylishly and intentionally so) lumpy rather than pure until silky smooth. I also did it a bit more filling with half cauliflower and half potato. But you could do it with just cauliflower.

Husband initially questioned the smell emanating from the kitchen, but when I assured him it was a totes legit smell of boiling cauliflower and nothing to do with the bathroom works he relaxed and happily consumed a healthy portion of the mash and fish.

Cauliflower, potato and goat cheese mash

Cauliflower and chèvre mash

400g cauliflower

400g potatoes

salt

water

150g soft goat cheese

2 tbsp of mascarpone or butter

Remove the stalk of the cauliflower and cut the vegetable into pieces. Peel the potatoes and cut into chunks. Put the cauliflower and potatoes in a pan and cover with water. Add salt. Bring to boil and simmer until vegetables are cooked. Drain reserving some of the water.

Add the chevre and mascarpone or butter. Mash or blend until smooth adding water depending on how thick or thin you like it. Check seasoning and add salt if necessary.